(In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book “the Mastery of Love” he talks about the perfect relationship. He suggests “Imagine a perfect relationship. You’re always intensely happy with your partner because you live with the perfect man or woman for you”…blah, blah… and then goes on to tell us to relate to this person the same way you would relate to a dog. Yep, that’s right “the way you relate to this person will be exactly the way you relate with a dog”. Let's just take a minute here.....take a look at your dog (or other pet if you have one) and then look at your partner (if you have one, an ex if you don't) and try to relate to them in the exact same way. Just the thought of this, makes me laugh because now I’m picturing my last few dates as various types of pound puppies. Anyway, I digress (shocker.)
DMR goes on to say that no matter what you do, your dog is always going to be a dog no matter what (so basically….if you’re with someone, accept them for exactly who they are) He says “You’re not going to change a dog for a cat or a dog for a horse; it is what it is” (SIDE NOTE, because I'm pretty sure my virginity has grown back, when I read that line, I thought well if they're "hung like a horse" then does it really matter if it's a cat or a dog" anyway, I'm really not that shallow so back to the story) So if you’re a pet owner “aka in a relationship” and you have a “dog” (not literally), don’t try to turn it into a “cat.” Just flippen love them, unconditionally. If you don't know how to do that, get your head out of your ass and go see a therapist and figure your shit out. By the same token, if you’re looking to adopt “aka dating” and you really want a dog, don’t go to the pound and settle on a cat because they don’t have the breed of dog you want. For the purposes of this blog, we’re going to primarily focus on “Adopting” (yep back to the topic of dating...with some backstory of course)...A couple months ago I had dinner with Officer 420, who also happens to be in the "adoption" market. Now, I didn’t meet Officer 420 on POF but it is where we re-connected. About a year ago, I saw Officer 420 around town (ok it was actually the carpool line at school). I knew my friend knew him so I tasked her to do the appropriate recon “what’s his deal, married, girlfriend, available, etc.” She was successful, he was single, and information was exchanged. We texted for a few weeks, were supposed to meet up but Officer 420 canceled (for a legit issue) and then our texts sort of slowed down and not much effort was made by either of us. I didn't take it personally (since we hadn't actually met yet, lol!) so I just chucked it up to “oh well, he’s probably not interested and I’m too busy to date anyway” Fast forward to this past Spring and my first few days on POF and who should appear but Officer 420 as a “viewed you.” If you need clarification, dating sites will often tease you with “who’s viewed you”, “you’re a mutual match” etc. It’s basically “I spy with my little eye, a guy nearby" so let me go read his profile. I wasn’t quite sure if Officer 420 would even remember me because we’d never met face to face, I’d just sort of “oogled” him from the distance like a shy girl in high school (I know, me shy – right) As we know, I was finding the Plenty of Fish site F’in horrific. Very few people seemed "normal" and the process of weeding out the crazies was exhausting. I somewhat “knew” Officer 420 so I decided “misery loves company” and I reached out to say hi via text. After the “hey stranger, saw you on POF, blah blah blah” message and a few other chit chat texts, he told me to careful on POF (and he wasn’t kidding) We shared the common thought of people being crazy on the site and that we were basically getting what we paid for (remember, it was a free site). After exchanging the “how’s life” pleasantries, he said life's “Not bad. Except dating, lol!” That made me think – why do we all make it so hard? I felt compelled to ask him if he wanted insights on the female mind to give the guy some extra bait for his line as he tossed it into the crazy world of POF and was sort of shocked when he took me up on the offer. After sharing a few “do this, don’t do that” type of advice snippets we decided to meet for coffee and work on his profile for online dating. Somehow meeting for coffee turned into dinner (but I insisted we go Dutch because I wasn't sure if it was actually a date) and we didn't really work on his profile, although I did suggest a few more pics I'd seen on his facebook page. This is what I learned….
Officer 420 and I agreed we’d both had a good time and we got together a few more times after that first "date" but I was never sure if we were actually dating or just two people with the common goal of having fun and sharing "war stories". We weren't in the same place on what we were looking for, so much like the first round of communication, it seemed to mutually fizzle out with neither one of us making much of an effort. I'm of the school of thought that what's meant to be will be and it will feel somewhat effortless. On a side note, I do occasionally get to innocently "oogle" Office 420 in the carpool line when I drop my son off at school...so not a total loss. With all that rambling said, remember, if you're "adoption shopping" for a new companion and you've always preferred the company of a loving cuddling "pup"- don't try to adopt a fickle pussy. It will only annoy you while you're trying to sleep and then ignore you want you want to give it attention. (Side note, cats really can be assholes) Until next time :)
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