There’s a quote (probably from someone famous and not the meme I read it off of) that says “Better to dance with the devil you do than the devil you don’t”
It all started when I had this amazing weekend long date with “Veronica”. “V” for short….yep that’s right, ALL WEEKEND! The weekend was full of sex, too much talking, way too much overthinking and a lot of time wasted watching TV but all that said, it was really nice weekend. Now, before you go “OH SHIT, is she gay?!” “Did she just come out” - No. Contrary to what ex # 2 told some people, I’m not gay (“not that there’s anything wrong with that” Seinfeld.) Quick side bar - sometimes I think life would probably be easier if I was gay. For examples, we could buy tampons in bulk, share the same shampoo, they wouldn’t feel the need to compete with my son for attention and they’d know to back the fuck off every 28 to 30 days, but I digress…back to the story: It started on a raining Friday night with “V’s” idea to veg out on my couch and binge watch Game of Thrones (or GoT as the cool kids type it). Admittedly, I was a Game of Thrones virgin. After popping the Season 1, episode 1 cherry, I still wasn’t sure why it had a cult following but that quickly changed as the night progressed. Between the castles, the scenery, the sex (not the incest part) and the hotties (for the love of God, where has Jason Momoa been all my life and why wasn’t I using the image of him a lot more often in any "extra curricular activities"), I was hooked on the series. Before I knew it, it was after 2am and Season 1 was almost over. In between all the tits and ass in the GoT episodes, I would analyze “V.” It was clear “V” talked too much and needed to let some shit go but overall was a relatively cool person and I hadn’t given them enough credit. I’ve known “V” as long as I can remember but didn’t really get to know them on a more personal level until about 4 years ago. “V” is sarcastic, funny, cynical and complains a lot about not getting laid. On the flip side, “V” is also the “forever” optimist when it comes to loves and really tries to help people get through the frustrations of single life (or life in general). “V” has a relatively decent personality and comes across as a pretty “open book” person but definitely hides a little bit of a dark side. “V” can be pretty jaded, a bit bitter, and doesn’t really trust that others are genuine (especially those of the opposite sex) “V” is into deep conversations that sound totally weird to people that don’t like to dive. I’ve sometimes wondered if “V” is bi-polar or a little schizo (there’s a lot of talking to themselves) but after a fair amount of legit (barely paid for by insurance) therapy, they officially don’t have either of those disorders. “V”’s just trying to figure shit out. I often overlooked “V” when I was in the mood for company with another person because I thought there were too many issues in “V’s” head for there to be much fun. I thought it was a lot more exciting to shop for a stranger on the internet and go on some dates then dance with the devil I knew – “V”. I often underestimated “V” and was pretty judgmental of their behavior. I also took into consideration (way too often) other people’s opinions of “V”. A lot of which was/is total bullshit and I didn’t realize that until I spent some quality 1/1 time with “V”. “V” and I went all weekend long and didn’t just binge on GoTs. We over analyzed life and our relationships, and while there was some crying and vulnerability, there was a fair amount of laughing at the fact that we’d survived a lot of those choices and those same bad choices lead to some pretty great things, including new relationships. There was quite a bit of nostalgia for way back when past “loves” and a little thoughts on “hmmm…wonder what they’re up to now”. There was a TON of analysis over my more recent dating adventures and why I seem to have this 3 to 4 week honeymoon period with dates and then I run for the hills and okay…fine, there might have been a little bit of sex too (well sort of and most of the sex was just on GoTs) The thing is “V” is the devil I know. “V” is me. “V” is the dark, vulnerable side we’ve all got (whether you care to admit it or not) I just happen to name mine after this work exercise we did about three years ago where we basically named our alter egos. Yep, that’s right. I spent a weekend binge watching GoT’s by myself and here’s what I learned:
All that said, my binge watch of GoT, reminded me of how much I need time to myself to reboot. The only downside to the weekend (aside from the couch potato pounds gained) was that it didn’t end in really hot sex (well at least not with an actual person.) It’s also not very conducive to inspiring any new blogs so with that in mind, I’m contemplating dipping my toes in the dating pool again, even if it’s just for blog material (and to avoid another binge fest on my couch.) Maybe I should figure out how that whole Tinder thing works? Later gators!
1 Comment
(In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book “the Mastery of Love” he talks about the perfect relationship. He suggests “Imagine a perfect relationship. You’re always intensely happy with your partner because you live with the perfect man or woman for you”…blah, blah… and then goes on to tell us to relate to this person the same way you would relate to a dog. Yep, that’s right “the way you relate to this person will be exactly the way you relate with a dog”. Let's just take a minute here.....take a look at your dog (or other pet if you have one) and then look at your partner (if you have one, an ex if you don't) and try to relate to them in the exact same way. Just the thought of this, makes me laugh because now I’m picturing my last few dates as various types of pound puppies. Anyway, I digress (shocker.)
DMR goes on to say that no matter what you do, your dog is always going to be a dog no matter what (so basically….if you’re with someone, accept them for exactly who they are) He says “You’re not going to change a dog for a cat or a dog for a horse; it is what it is” (SIDE NOTE, because I'm pretty sure my virginity has grown back, when I read that line, I thought well if they're "hung like a horse" then does it really matter if it's a cat or a dog" anyway, I'm really not that shallow so back to the story) So if you’re a pet owner “aka in a relationship” and you have a “dog” (not literally), don’t try to turn it into a “cat.” Just flippen love them, unconditionally. If you don't know how to do that, get your head out of your ass and go see a therapist and figure your shit out. By the same token, if you’re looking to adopt “aka dating” and you really want a dog, don’t go to the pound and settle on a cat because they don’t have the breed of dog you want. For the purposes of this blog, we’re going to primarily focus on “Adopting” (yep back to the topic of dating...with some backstory of course)...A couple months ago I had dinner with Officer 420, who also happens to be in the "adoption" market. Now, I didn’t meet Officer 420 on POF but it is where we re-connected. About a year ago, I saw Officer 420 around town (ok it was actually the carpool line at school). I knew my friend knew him so I tasked her to do the appropriate recon “what’s his deal, married, girlfriend, available, etc.” She was successful, he was single, and information was exchanged. We texted for a few weeks, were supposed to meet up but Officer 420 canceled (for a legit issue) and then our texts sort of slowed down and not much effort was made by either of us. I didn't take it personally (since we hadn't actually met yet, lol!) so I just chucked it up to “oh well, he’s probably not interested and I’m too busy to date anyway” Fast forward to this past Spring and my first few days on POF and who should appear but Officer 420 as a “viewed you.” If you need clarification, dating sites will often tease you with “who’s viewed you”, “you’re a mutual match” etc. It’s basically “I spy with my little eye, a guy nearby" so let me go read his profile. I wasn’t quite sure if Officer 420 would even remember me because we’d never met face to face, I’d just sort of “oogled” him from the distance like a shy girl in high school (I know, me shy – right) As we know, I was finding the Plenty of Fish site F’in horrific. Very few people seemed "normal" and the process of weeding out the crazies was exhausting. I somewhat “knew” Officer 420 so I decided “misery loves company” and I reached out to say hi via text. After the “hey stranger, saw you on POF, blah blah blah” message and a few other chit chat texts, he told me to careful on POF (and he wasn’t kidding) We shared the common thought of people being crazy on the site and that we were basically getting what we paid for (remember, it was a free site). After exchanging the “how’s life” pleasantries, he said life's “Not bad. Except dating, lol!” That made me think – why do we all make it so hard? I felt compelled to ask him if he wanted insights on the female mind to give the guy some extra bait for his line as he tossed it into the crazy world of POF and was sort of shocked when he took me up on the offer. After sharing a few “do this, don’t do that” type of advice snippets we decided to meet for coffee and work on his profile for online dating. Somehow meeting for coffee turned into dinner (but I insisted we go Dutch because I wasn't sure if it was actually a date) and we didn't really work on his profile, although I did suggest a few more pics I'd seen on his facebook page. This is what I learned….
Officer 420 and I agreed we’d both had a good time and we got together a few more times after that first "date" but I was never sure if we were actually dating or just two people with the common goal of having fun and sharing "war stories". We weren't in the same place on what we were looking for, so much like the first round of communication, it seemed to mutually fizzle out with neither one of us making much of an effort. I'm of the school of thought that what's meant to be will be and it will feel somewhat effortless. On a side note, I do occasionally get to innocently "oogle" Office 420 in the carpool line when I drop my son off at school...so not a total loss. With all that rambling said, remember, if you're "adoption shopping" for a new companion and you've always preferred the company of a loving cuddling "pup"- don't try to adopt a fickle pussy. It will only annoy you while you're trying to sleep and then ignore you want you want to give it attention. (Side note, cats really can be assholes) Until next time :) |
Archives
September 2017
Categories |